September is Self-Awareness Month, and while that may not immediately sound like a family law topic, hear us out. Divorce, custody disputes, and other family law matters are emotional. Really emotional. Even the most reasonable person can find themselves making decisions based on anger, fear, resentment, or the need to prove a point.
That’s where a little self-awareness can go a long way. At Wolf & Shore Law Group, one of our core values is “No Drama, Mama. Stick to the facts. Cut out the chaos.” That doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t important. They are. But your feelings and your legal strategy aren’t always the same thing.
Ask Yourself: What Am I Actually Trying to Accomplish?
Before sending that text, demanding your attorney file a motion, refusing a proposed schedule change, or digging your heels in over an issue, ask yourself: What outcome am I actually trying to achieve? Sometimes the answer is exactly what you thought it was. Other times, if you’re being completely honest with yourself, the answer might be:
I want my ex to know they can’t push me around.
I’m angry that they moved on.
I don’t think it’s fair.
I want them to have to deal with the inconvenience for once.
I said no, and now I don’t want to back down.
Those feelings may be completely understandable. They also may not be good reasons to make a legal decision. Ask yourself first: Is it about the kids? Or is it about the other parent? In family law matters, parents are frequently asked to separate their feelings about their former partner from their decisions about their children. That is much easier said than done. Before taking a position, it can help to ask:
Would I feel the same way about this if someone other than my ex were asking?
Maybe you’re furious that your ex wants to switch weekends. But is the switch actually bad for your child? Or are you frustrated because the other parent is asking? Often we hear that a client hates that her child enjoys spending time with her ex’s new partner. That is valid, but then you have to also ask yourself: Is there a genuine concern about that person, or does the situation simply hurt? The same can be said for disagreements over extracurricular activities. Is the disagreement really about what’s best for your child, or has it become another battleground between the adults? Those aren’t always comfortable questions. That’s the point.
Not Every Hill Needs a Flag
Family law cases can become expensive very quickly when every disagreement becomes a legal battle. Self-awareness means recognizing which issues actually matter and which ones you’re fighting because you’re angry, hurt, scared, or simply determined not to “lose.” At Wolf & Shore Law Group, we can advise you about the law. We can discuss strategy. We can tell you what we believe is reasonable and what a court may care about. But we can’t tell you what to care about. While we always acknowledge a client’s feelings, it is also our job to explain to them that sometimes their desires or concerns simply do not line up with what a Court can, or will, address. That means that of the most useful things you can bring to a conversation with your lawyer is an honest understanding of why you want what you want.
Sometimes holding your ground is absolutely necessary.
Sometimes letting something go is the smarter move.
Knowing the difference is powerful.
Know Your Triggers
If every email from your ex immediately raises your blood pressure, don’t respond immediately.
If certain conversations always turn into arguments, consider whether written communication would be more productive.
If you’re tempted to fire off a lengthy text explaining everything your former spouse has ever done wrong since approximately 2009…maybe put the phone down for a minute.
You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.
Recognizing your own triggers—and developing a plan for how you’ll respond to them—isn’t weakness. It’s strategy.
Self-Awareness Doesn’t Mean Being a Pushover
Let’s be clear: being self-aware does not mean agreeing to everything, avoiding conflict at all costs, or allowing someone to take advantage of you. There are times when you need boundaries. There are times when you need to say no. And there are absolutely times when you need your attorney to step in and advocate aggressively on your behalf. Self-awareness simply helps make sure you’re choosing those battles intentionally.
No Drama, Mama.
During Self-Awareness Month, take a moment to check in with yourself.
What do you actually want your life to look like when your family law case is over?
What kind of co-parent do you want to be?
What issues genuinely matter to you?
And which battles are keeping you tied to a conflict you’d actually rather leave behind?
You can’t control your ex.
You can’t control every twist and turn of a family law case.
But you can control how you respond.
And sometimes, that’s where the real power is.
At Wolf & Shore Law Group, we understand that family law isn’t simply about statutes and numbers. It’s about helping people navigate major changes in their lives and determine the best path forward for themselves and their families. And sometimes, choosing a new path begins with recognizing that it’s okay to choose yourself, too. If you decide you are ready to move forward, contact us. We take the time to listen, explain your legal options, and help you determine the best course of action for you and your family. Contact us today at 203.745.3151 or info@wolfandshorelawgroup.com. Ever Argue with a Woman?