My Ex Keeps Scheduling Activities During MY Parenting Time!

Dear Attorneys,

My ex and I share custody of our two children, but lately,it feels like my ex is running the entire show. He continually signs up thekids for sports, birthday parties, and other activities that fall during myparenting time. Then I’m made to feel like the bad guy if I don’t rearrange myschedule to accommodate everything. Don’t I get a say in what happens during mytime with the kids?

Sincerely,

Not Your Personal Chauffeur

Dear Not Your Personal Chauffeur,

Ah, the joys of co-parenting! Nothing says teamwork quitelike finding out you’ve been voluntold to spend your Saturday driving to threedifferent activities you never agreed to in the first place. The short answer? Yes,you absolutely get a say. But as with most things in family law, thedetails matter.

In Connecticut, the distinction between legal custody andphysical custody is important. Legal custody generally concerns major decisionsaffecting your children, while physical custody and parenting schedulesdetermine when the children spend time with each parent.

If co-parents share joint legal custody, then they usuallyneed to consult each other and/or agree before either of you enroll yourchild(ren) in an activity. Some parenting plans set forth more specificrequirements, but in general, yes, it should be a joint decision.  That said, not every birthday party, play date,or recreational activity necessarily qualifies as a major decision requiringjoint approval. It is also important to take into consideration yourchild(ren)’s age, and what he or she genuinely wants to do. While you may havegrand plans to do something with them on your weekend, there also usually comesa time when children have their own opinions and want to do more with theirfriends.

Here’s where things get tricky: Just because an activity falls during your parenting timedoesn’t automatically mean you can disregard an existing commitment. Likewise,your ex doesn’t necessarily have the authority to dictate how you spend everyminute of your scheduled parenting time. For example, if your child has playedhockey for years and both parents have historically supported that commitment,a court may view the situation differently than if your ex suddenly enrollsyour child in a brand-new activity without discussing it with you.

Connecticut courts generally focus on the best interests ofthe child when resolving custody and parenting disputes. That means consideringthe child’s needs, established routines, relationships, and overall well-being(rather than trying to figure out which parent is technically right).

So, what should you do?

First, review your parenting agreement. Does it addressextracurricular activities, transportation responsibilities, schedulingconflicts, or the need for mutual consent? If so, start there.

Second, communicate your concerns to your ex clearly inwriting. Explain that you support your children’s interests, but expect to beconsulted before commitments are made that affect your parenting time.

Third, be reasonable. If your child loves soccer and has achampionship game during your weekend, refusing to take them simply to make apoint probably isn’t going to win you any parenting awards.

If this becomes an ongoing problem, you may need to seek amodification or clarification of your parenting orders. A more detailedagreement can establish how activities are selected, who pays for them, whoprovides transportation, and what happens when parents disagree.

Here’s our truth bomb:Your parenting time belongs to you, but your children’s lives don’t stop whenthey switch households. Successful co-parenting requires communication,compromise, and a willingness to put your children’s interests ahead of yourfrustrations with each other. Your ex shouldn’t be treating you like an unpaidUber driver. But your kids shouldn’t have to miss out on activities they lovebecause their parents can’t get along, either.

At Wolf & Shore Law Group, we help Connecticut parentsnavigate custody disputes, parenting schedules, and the challenges ofco-parenting. If your parenting agreement is creating more conflict thanclarity, it may be time to revisit the rules of the road. Call Wolf & Shore Law Group at 203.745.3151 to schedule avirtual consultation today. Ever Argue with a Woman?

 

 

Very Truly Yours,

 

 

Wolf & Shore Law Group

 

 

*The situationsrepresented in our Dear Attorneys column are entirely fictional and anyresemblance to a specific case is unintentional. We cannot, and will not, offerlegal advice to anyone who is not a client. However, if you do have questionsor concerns, you should contact an attorney at your convenience.