Dear Attorneys,
My ex and I are divorced and share children. Lately, he has been showing up at my house unannounced. Sometimes it’s to “drop something off,” sometimes just to “see the kids.” It’s making me uncomfortable, and it feels like a boundary issue. Can I stop him from coming to my home whenever he wants?
Sincerely,
Please Text First
Dear Please Text First,
We’re going to say this as clearly as possible: Your ex does not have the right to come and go from your home just because you share children. Once you are separated or divorced, your home is your space. That said, situations like this usually fall into the category of “annoying and inappropriate” vs. “legally actionable”—and the distinction matters.
If your current orders or agreement don’t specifically address how exchanges or communication should happen, then it’s time to create some structure.
In most cases, parenting time exchanges should:
- Happen at a set time and place
- Be predictable
- Avoid unnecessary contact at the other parent’s home
If your ex is showing up outside of those parameters, it’s reasonable to set a boundary. For example, “Please do not come to my home without advance notice or agreement.” You are allowed to expect basic respect and predictability.
So when does it become a legal issue? If your ex:
- Refuses to respect your requests
- Shows up repeatedly after being told not to
- Acts in a way that feels harassing or intimidating
…then it may move from a communication issue to something the court can address.
Depending on the circumstances, that could include:
- Modifying your parenting plan to include stricter exchange terms
- Setting a neutral exchange location
- In more serious situations, seeking court intervention for harassment, such as a temporary restraining order
You don’t have to “just deal with it. Start with clear, direct communication. If that doesn’t work, there are legal tools available to reinforce those boundaries. Just remember:
Co-parenting requires cooperation—not open-door access.
If you’re dealing with a situation like this, you’re not alone. and there are ways to handle it thoughtfully and effectively. Ever Argue with a Woman? Call Wolf & Shore Law Group at 203.745.3151 to schedule a virtual consultation today.
Very Truly Yours,
Wolf & Shore Law Group
*The situations represented in our Dear Attorneys column are entirely fictional and any resemblance to a specific case is unintentional. We cannot, and will not, offer legal advice to anyone who is not a client. However, if you do have questions or concerns, you should contact an attorney at your convenience.
