Dear Attorneys,
My marriage isn’t working, and things at home are tense. I’m considering moving out just to create some space. But I keep hearing that if I leave the house first, I’ll lose my rights, either to the house, to my kids, or both. Is that true in Connecticut?
— Feeling Stuck
Dear Feeling Stuck,
This is one of the most common, and most stressful, questions we hear. The short answer is: no, moving out does not automatically mean you lose anything. But the longer (and more honest) answer is that how and when you move out can matter.
In Connecticut, there is no rule that says the spouse who moves out first forfeits rights to property, custody, or parenting time. The court does not award the house or the children based on who stayed and who left. That’s simply a myth that keeps many people stuck in unhealthy situations longer than necessary. That said, moving out is not a decision to make casually.
Property: Moving Out Does Not Mean You “Give Up” the House
Leaving the marital home does not mean you lose your ownership interest in it. Connecticut is an equitable distribution state, which means the court looks at fairness — not possession — when dividing assets. Who lived in the house during the case is far less important than factors like finances, contributions, and overall circumstances. However, moving out without a plan can create practical complications. Who pays the mortgage? Who handles maintenance? How expenses are handled during this period can matter later, even if ownership itself does not disappear.
Custody: The Bigger Risk Is Creating a New “Status Quo”
This is where people need to slow down and think carefully. Again, moving out does not mean you lose custody of your children. But courts in Connecticut do care about stability and routine. If one parent moves out and then sees the children only sporadically — or doesn’t establish a clear parenting schedule — that arrangement can start to look like the “status quo.”
That doesn’t mean it can’t be changed, but it may require more effort later. If children are involved, it’s important to think through questions like: “Where will the children sleep? How often (and where) will I see them? How will school mornings, activities, and routines be handled?” Moving out with a thoughtful parenting plan in mind is very different from moving out and hoping it sorts itself out.
Safety and Sanity Matter Too
Sometimes staying in the home is simply not realistic or healthy. Emotional tension, constant conflict, or concerns about escalation are valid reasons to create space. The law does not expect people to remain in volatile living situations just to preserve optics. The key is making a deliberate decision, not a reactive one. Sometimes the smartest first step isn’t moving out or filing for divorce. Rather, it’s understanding your options so you can move forward with clarity instead of fear.
If you’re weighing whether to move out and aren’t sure how it could affect your rights, a consultation can help you understand your options before making a decision that feels irreversible. Ever Argue with a Woman? Call Wolf & Shore Law Group at 203.745.3151 to schedule a virtual consultation today.
Very Truly Yours,
Wolf & Shore Law Group
*The situations represented in our Dear Attorneys column are entirely fictional and any resemblance to a specific case is unintentional. We cannot, and will not, offer legal advice to anyone who is not a client. However, if you do have questions or concerns, you should contact an attorney at your convenience.
