When most people think of domestic violence, they think of physical abuse. But abuse can take many forms, and Connecticut law now recognizes that controlling, intimidating, and manipulating a partner can be just as damaging, even when no physical violence occurs.
In today’s world, those behaviors often happen through technology. At Wolf & Shore Law Group, we frequently speak with clients who wonder whether their spouse’s or former partner’s conduct “counts” as abuse. They may not have been physically hit, or threatened with physical harm, but they are receiving dozens of unwanted messages each day, being monitored online, tracked through their devices, and/or publicly humiliated on social media. While this type of behavior was not always considered to be a form of domestic violence, now under Connecticut law, these behaviors may constitute coercive control.
What Is Coercive Control?
Connecticut’s domestic violence laws recognize coercive control as a pattern of behavior that interferes with another person’s free will, personal liberty, or ability to make independent decisions. Unlike a single argument or disagreement, coercive control involves ongoing efforts to dominate, intimidate, isolate, and/or control another person.
Examples may include:
- Monitoring communications
- Isolating someone from friends or family
- Threatening or intimidating behavior
- Controlling finances
- Harassing communications
- Repeated unwanted contact
- Tracking a person’s location or activities
The focus is not on one isolated incident, but rather on a pattern of conduct designed to exert power and control.
Technology Has Changed the Way Abuse Happens
Years ago, an abusive partner might have monitored phone calls or shown up unexpectedly at work. Today, technology has created new opportunities for control.Some common examples include:
- Demanding passwords to email or social media accounts
- Monitoring online activity
- Requiring immediate responses to texts or calls
- Excessive messaging throughout the day
- Tracking locations through phones, apps, or shared accounts
- Creating fake accounts to monitor a partner
- Contacting friends, family members, employers, or new partners online
- Posting embarrassing, false, or private information on social media
- Threatening to release private photos or messages
Many victims dismiss these actions because they do not involve physical violence. However, when viewed together, these behaviors can reveal a pattern of coercive control. These actions often serve a larger purpose: isolating the victim from support systems and creating pressure through embarrassment, fear, or intimidation.
“It’s Just Texting”—Or Is It?
One of the most common misconceptions we hear is:
“He just texts me a lot.”
But context matters. Receiving 50 messages in an hour, being interrogated about where you are, being accused of wrongdoing for failing to respond immediately, or being bombarded with communications after asking someone to stop can al become part of a larger pattern of intimidation and control. The issue is not simply the number of messages. The issue is whether the communications are being used to interfere with your independence, create fear, or control your behavior.
When Can a Court Get Involved?
Every case is different, and not every unpleasant interaction rises to the level of coercive control. However, Connecticut courts can issue restraining orders and other protective measures when evidence demonstrates a pattern of behavior that interferes with a person’s safety, liberty, or ability to live free from intimidation and control. Judges are increasingly recognizing that abuse does not always happen face-to-face. Screenshots, text messages, emails, social media posts, location-sharing records, and other digital evidence can help tell the story of what is really happening behind the scenes. What may seem like isolated incidents often become much more significant when viewed as part of an ongoing pattern.
What Should You Do If This Is Happening?
If you believe a spouse, former spouse, dating partner, or co-parent is using technology to monitor, harass, intimidate, or control you:
- Save screenshots;
- Preserve text messages and emails;
- Document dates and times;
- Avoid deleting evidence;
- Speak with an attorney about your options;
- Call the police immediately if you believe you are in immediate danger.
The Bottom Line
Domestic violence is not always physical. In many cases, the most powerful forms of control occur through constant monitoring, intimidation, harassment, and manipulation. Technology has changed the tools, but not the goal. If someone is using texts, social media, tracking apps, or online communications to control your choices, isolate you from others, or make you fear the consequences of asserting your independence, you may be experiencing coercive control; and now Connecticut law may provide protections.
If you have questions about restraining orders, family violence protections, or coercive control, the attorneys at Wolf & Shore Law Group can help you understand your rights and options. At Wolf & Shore Law Group, we regularly help parties navigate these sensitive issues and help find them a resolution that will finally offer them peace. If you have questions about your existing orders or need assistance modifying a parenting plan, our team is here to help. Contact us today at 203.745.3151 or info@wolfandshorelawgroup.com. Ever Argue with a Woman?
